Having suffered from an eating disorder for as long as I can remember I have tried many diets, pills and remedies in a desperate attempt to change the way I feel about myself. To me being thin equaled happiness, love, acceptance and success. I placed so much emphasis on my physical appearance neglecting my internal world completely. I was constantly seeking an external solution to my internal problems.
Here are just some of the self experiments (or should I say torture) that I have subjected myself to:
- I have been a vegetarian (very unsuccessfully as I became anaemic, miserable and even fatter).
- I tried the raw food diet which was way too much effort and I ended up using it as an excuse to eat even more ‘natural’ sugar. Out of all the diets I have tried this one definitely made the most impact on me as the low fat paradigm was thrown out of the window. I love raw chocolate, green juice and fermented foods and I heard it here first!
- In high school my friends and I tried the frozen grape diet (don’t even ask).
- the cabbage soup diet.
- I used cocaine to take away my appetite in my desperate attempt to be a successful model. This was truly a low point in my life.
- Thinz tablets which I believe are no longer on the market. Hideous little pills those were.
- Candida diet.
- Drinking ridiculous amounts of water every day.
- Starvation diet which would only lead to bingeing.
- Alcoholism (not recommended).
- and my favourite, the ‘everything in moderation diet’.
- The coffee and cigarette diet and more.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!
Today I choose to live a sugar free lifestyle. It suits me and I keep it as simple as possible:
- I stick to simple, real food as close to it’s natural state as possible.
- I don’t eat refined, processed food or anything with added sugar.
- I add fat to every meal. My favourite fats are coconut oil, butter and avocado.
- I eat loads of green veg such as kale and spinach in salads, veg dishes and even smoothies.
- I eat three meals a day. The thought of intermittent fasting is fascinating but not great far an ex-anorexic.
- I don’t weigh myself, I find this to be a form of torture.
- I make time for myself to nourish mind and spirit. I make time for myself every single day. Some days that means going for a walk in the forest, other times its as simple as having a bath.
- I try schedule regular exercise, not to lose weight but to calm my busy head.
- Meditation. I choose the guided kind and am particularly fond of Deepak Chopra and the super cool Gabrielle Bernstein at the moment.
- Affirmations. I have a tendency to be hard on myself, affirmations help me access my inner softness and allows me to affirm the good in me and everything around me.
I stay far away from anything that restricts me or makes me feel deprived, that can include people as well. I choose to believe in abundance, happiness and great health.
I have stopped looking to find happiness and love in all the wrong places and choose instead to look within.
I am on a journey, I will continue to expand and grow. My views will change and I will make adjustments along the way. I love where I’m at, I really do.